Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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