You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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