sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
