I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
