I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
