I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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