Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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