I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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