Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
