just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
