He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
