kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she told me i tasted like america
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
