She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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