Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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