remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
