One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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