All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
