I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
