the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize