his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
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