gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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