he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize