At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
