I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Randomize