I just cut my nipple shaving
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
How does it feel to date your dad?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
