wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize