this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
