she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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