god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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