She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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