Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
