Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize