My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i barfeds in our rink
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
