sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
