He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
