I've blown a few things in my day
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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