it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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