i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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