I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
