I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
