He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
