im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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