so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
