I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
