I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
