You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
