I wish I could punch you in the face.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
