he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
