please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
