I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
