just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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