you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
