it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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