I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
