I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
