Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
