Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
