I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize
