I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
