That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
