apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
