Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
