I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize