My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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