You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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