he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
