My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
