if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
