dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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