All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
