Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
