you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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