dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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