Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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